Many friends have recently posted on Facebook or shared with me in person that they are with child. I'm happy for them but each time this announcement is made, I'm harassed with questions about when my husband and I plan to have children. I've been on the fence about children for a long time. I have a genetic blood clotting disorder (Factor V) that makes things complicated for me. Plus, I'm 27 years old and don't really see myself as a mother. Pregnancy grosses me out and frightens me because of the blood clotting problem (miscarriages and death are risk factors). Am I a horrible woman for becoming bitchier and bitchier each time I'm asked this question? I know I have the right to be a bitch to the people at work who barely know me but I'm growing increasingly angry with close friends and family who are asking the question. I feel guilty. My best friends don't ask but they insist that I'll change my mind. They are all excited for it to happen and quite frankly, I'm not. I want nothing to do with it. Does it make me a bad hedge witch and woman for not wanting motherhood? There is so much of the craft that is "motherly." How can I hold myself to such qualities when they are ones I don't possess or want?
I know many of my readers are mothers. Please know that I hold nothing against any of you for being mothers. Many people have perceived me in the past as a basher of motherhood. I just don't want it for myself. I guess I just feel like I'm wrong to not want it.