Ok. It has been about a year since I really wanted to write in this thing. I have had numerous ups and downs, but never enough motivation to share any of them on this blog. This past year has really been a private journey of self-realization and, perhaps, finally forgiveness (I'll get into that portion of the journey at another time).
I suppose what has finally motivated me to want to write for this blog again is a re-shaping of my practice. It started on Thursday evening by going to a class with the High Priest of the Coven that I hang out with. I am not an official member as I don't believe I'm fully "there" yet. Then, yesterday was a low day. My body ached. I hurt everywhere - internally and externally. I did not want to move from my bed or the couch. Now, part of the reason for this is because I've been on an exercise/diet kick. I think I over did it this past week. However, the internal hurting came from the class I took on Thursday. Some very old wounds opened up that I was finally ready to deal with. This is where the forgiveness part of my re-directed path will eventually come in. Like I said, I am not there just yet, which is why I do not feel it is appropriate to ask for membership into the Coven.
So, this morning, I began re-reading Silver Ravenwolf's book Hedgewitch - spells, crafts and rituals for natural magick. I knew I needed to refocus myself. I needed a kick start if I am really going to make myself happy, healthy, wealthy (not necessarily monetary), and wise (to borrow phrasing from my class as well as my Grandmother). I am not "happy." Content, yes, but I am not overjoyed with the way my life is going nor do I get excited for anything. I just am. I would like to get excited about life. About exercise. About food. About reading. About teaching. I do not want to be simply "content." I want to enjoy my experience here. I think re-reading Silver's book and really taking Thursday night's class in to full context is helping me see a way of getting beyond content.
Thus, tomorrow I begin the fourteen day ritual process or re-directing my path as I would prefer to think of it. I know I am a witch. I think I have always known. I am not changing that. I just found a fork in the road, and although it is dark and, quite honestly, frightening, I would rather go this way. I need to tunnel in through the weeds, rip them out and make the garden of me a little more inviting for the people around me. I think I forgot the most basic principle of gardening: weeds come back. I let them take over me and drown me. Tomorrow's ritual is thus quite fitting: Wind. I will blow in winds of change and let the air clean out, not only my home, but me. I will use the wind to keep me moving, to keep weeding, because when I forget to do so, I head back down into depression and cannot rise above "content." The weeds suffocate me.
Part of this fourteen day journey is keeping a journal. I have my personal pen and paper journal but I also want to share aspects of it on the blog as a means of re-directing myself back to writing. Part of the past year's problem was that I never once wrote a single thing for myself and I really missed doing that. If I forget that part of me, then I become unfocused and frazzled. That is how I let the weeds start rooting again.
This is a new path that I wish to take whilst I wander. The Green Witch is back. This is not a new me. This is merely a re-discovered me or a forgotten me. Help me clear the weeds.
I want to keep writing this blog. It always works. Always a blessing.