22 May, 2010

Saturday Musings

I've been neglectful.  I'm sorry blog and blog readers.  It's not even that I haven't had the time to write.  I've had plenty of time.  I've just been so tired all the time.  I know why I'm tired, but I'm still confused on how to fix it.  I know I'm not normally too personal on here, but I suppose since I'm sharing my faith in the Goddess and the God, I guess being personal should be more a part of my writing.

I wake up frequently through the night in a panic.  It's been happening for years now.  I was on anti-depressants for over 3 years and a little over a year ago I phased off of them.  I didn't like the weight it put on me nor did I like the shadow I became.  But, I'm still waking in panic.  I've tried to keep the journal by my bedside and write down the things which wake me, but I can't seem to remember/know what it is I'm waking up for.  It's always the same.  I shoot up from a deep sleep, look at the clock, realize it's 2:37AM and I don't have to be awake until 5:30AM.  This process will repeat every hour until I wake again at 5:27AM and curse silently that I could have slept 3 more minutes until the alarm went off.  Then, I don't want to get up.  I'm tired.  I love my job teaching, but I pray to the God/dess everyday that work should start at 9AM instead of 7:20AM.  I think their deaf on the issue as nothing has changed.

So, since I'm tired all the time, physically and emotionally, I've decided to actually do something about it.  I know I need to start going to the gym again and eating healthier (again).  When I became ill 3 weeks ago with the sinus infection, I just made excuses for myself to slack off.  But, I've done all this before and waking panic still plagued me.  So, I thought a little bit of magick, prayer and craft work may help me.  I thought that it was about time I made myself a dream pillow.  I don't necessarily need to have a specific type of dream, but just the ability to dream and rest.  I'll be heading upstate next weekend to go camping and I can hopefully gather some supplies from the store I usually buy my herbs from.  I'd get started this weekend, but there is too much bustling around for birthdays and graduations.  But, the most important part of this is that I have a plan to help myself and maybe just the planning will help put my mind at ease, even if it's just slightly.  


Renee of the Fae said...

This might sound silly, but have you ever had your thyroid checked? What you are experiencing are just some symptoms of a thyroid condition. Be aware, though, that if you order a thyroid panel from you doctor, they might scoff. Hypo/hyperthyroidism are very real and very dangerous to your health if left unchecked. Yet, stories abound of doctors ignoring it and blaming the patients for imagining or creating their symptoms. I highly recommend getting that checked as a precaution. *^_^* In the meantime, check out the site "My Inner World." Loads of wonderful, spiritual and meditative info and energy there! Goddess Bless.

Willow said...

It doesn't sound weird at all! I actually had it checked last year for my annual physical and everything came back normal. *sigh* I will check out that website though. Thanks for your help!

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