22 May, 2010

Saturday Musings

I've been neglectful.  I'm sorry blog and blog readers.  It's not even that I haven't had the time to write.  I've had plenty of time.  I've just been so tired all the time.  I know why I'm tired, but I'm still confused on how to fix it.  I know I'm not normally too personal on here, but I suppose since I'm sharing my faith in the Goddess and the God, I guess being personal should be more a part of my writing.

I wake up frequently through the night in a panic.  It's been happening for years now.  I was on anti-depressants for over 3 years and a little over a year ago I phased off of them.  I didn't like the weight it put on me nor did I like the shadow I became.  But, I'm still waking in panic.  I've tried to keep the journal by my bedside and write down the things which wake me, but I can't seem to remember/know what it is I'm waking up for.  It's always the same.  I shoot up from a deep sleep, look at the clock, realize it's 2:37AM and I don't have to be awake until 5:30AM.  This process will repeat every hour until I wake again at 5:27AM and curse silently that I could have slept 3 more minutes until the alarm went off.  Then, I don't want to get up.  I'm tired.  I love my job teaching, but I pray to the God/dess everyday that work should start at 9AM instead of 7:20AM.  I think their deaf on the issue as nothing has changed.

So, since I'm tired all the time, physically and emotionally, I've decided to actually do something about it.  I know I need to start going to the gym again and eating healthier (again).  When I became ill 3 weeks ago with the sinus infection, I just made excuses for myself to slack off.  But, I've done all this before and waking panic still plagued me.  So, I thought a little bit of magick, prayer and craft work may help me.  I thought that it was about time I made myself a dream pillow.  I don't necessarily need to have a specific type of dream, but just the ability to dream and rest.  I'll be heading upstate next weekend to go camping and I can hopefully gather some supplies from the store I usually buy my herbs from.  I'd get started this weekend, but there is too much bustling around for birthdays and graduations.  But, the most important part of this is that I have a plan to help myself and maybe just the planning will help put my mind at ease, even if it's just slightly.  

2 comments:

Renee of the Fae said...

This might sound silly, but have you ever had your thyroid checked? What you are experiencing are just some symptoms of a thyroid condition. Be aware, though, that if you order a thyroid panel from you doctor, they might scoff. Hypo/hyperthyroidism are very real and very dangerous to your health if left unchecked. Yet, stories abound of doctors ignoring it and blaming the patients for imagining or creating their symptoms. I highly recommend getting that checked as a precaution. *^_^* In the meantime, check out the site "My Inner World." Loads of wonderful, spiritual and meditative info and energy there! Goddess Bless.

Willow said...

It doesn't sound weird at all! I actually had it checked last year for my annual physical and everything came back normal. *sigh* I will check out that website though. Thanks for your help!

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