Shakespeare Penis Jokes

SAMPSON

True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,
are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push
Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids
to the wall.

GREGORY

The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.

SAMPSON

'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I
have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the
maids, and cut off their heads.

GREGORY

The heads of the maids?

SAMPSON

Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;
take it in what sense thou wilt.

GREGORY

They must take it in sense that feel it.

SAMPSON

Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and
'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.

GREGORY

'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou
hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes
two of the house of the Montagues.

SAMPSON My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.

If you know anything about Shakespeare, you should know that he was a dirty, dirty man.  All of his plays are flooded with filthy jokes and word play just like in the opening scene of Romeo and Juliet that I've posted above.  Every year, when I read this play, I have a few students who get the word play in this scene.  The look on their face is just priceless and it's always the same:

• Look of shock/horror/surprise/"should I be reading this?/am I reading this right?" at the text
• Look at me with the same look as above
• Look at the text again
• Look back at me
• I look back, smile and nod

After this happens, the rest of the class has noticed the exchange and wants to know what is going on.  I will usually ask the one or two students who get it why they are so shocked.  Student(s):"Are they talking about raping women and taking out their penises?"   Me: "Yes.  Yes they are."

I freaking love Shakespeare.

Monday Mutterings: Teaching Shakespeare

A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted
Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion;
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue, all 'hues' in his controlling,
Much steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

- Sonnet 20 (my personal favorite)

Tomorrow, I begin teaching Romeo and Juliet to my demonic beloved freshman.  I know all most of them will never really have the love affair that I do with The Bard.  I've always been facinated by his use of pagan metaphors/allusions despite him being a Catholic.  I guess part of it is pagan/Greek/Roman references in Elizabethian literature is the same as The Family Guy using references to James Woods and Back to the Future.  They're essentially pop culture references of the time.  However, England had such strict laws about witchcraft until the mid-twentieth century, so it's quite remarkable how he was able to get away with so much.

I was thinking that while I'm teaching Romeo and Juliet I can bring in some horror stories tales of my teaching the play.  I could write my own soap opera/dramady about my teaching experiences.  So many television show ideas could be made with what I hear in the hallways or see in my classroom.  I have an insane interesting bunch this year.  I can only wait till I hand them foam swords.  I just hope that this stormy weather passes soon because I like to take them outside to act out the play.  Cross your fingers for me!