Some setbacks

I made my usual mistake of weighing/measuring myself when I went to the gym today.  I thought that I'd gained some weight during the summer and I was right.  I was also wrong.  It wasn't some weight.  It was a lot of weight.  Almost all of the weight I've lost, in fact, has come back.  This is where my laziness has gotten me.  I've spent too many days merely sitting on the computer when I should have been doing laps in the pool.  And now I must attend a wedding this weekend in a dress that will be too tight on me.  I'm more than disappointed in myself.  I lashed out at my husband in the middle of Macy's and screamed at my mother when we got home.  I don't like the person I become when I'm depressed.  I wish I knew a better way to handle these kind of setbacks in my life but I just get downright bitchy.

So, it's back to South Beach as I think Weight Watchers is a load of crap.  I'm sorry to those of you who use it - I don't agree with their plan.  I agree with portion control but I don't like that you have to pay them for their weight loss advice.  They (finally) started selling their cookbook in bookstores but even after flipping through it, I'd rather stick with South Beach.  This is also another big motivator to purchase my own house soon.  I love that my parents are doing my husband and I a HUGE favor by letting us live here rent free but I cannot control the menu and it's driving me bonkers.  What my Mom views as healthy cooking/eating is basically cutting out bread or just not eating until dinner.  I need to have my own kitchen back.  I miss cooking for myself all the time.

Since I haven't been following the South Beach exclusively for over a year, I need to start back in phase one.  Starting tomorrow and for the next two weeks I cannot eat anything on the list below.  It's going to be hard but I've done it before and I can do it again.  Here's to a new start and better luck this time.  I've got 55lbs to lose and I'm not giving up.  I will look the way I used to.  Magick is the power of words as well as power in faith.  Look over me Lord and Lady.  Help me not fail this time.

Foods NOT Allowed and to be Avoided in Phase 1

VEGETABLES Beets Carrots Corn Potatoes, white Potatoes, sweet Yams BEEF Brisket Liver Other fatty cuts Rib steaks POULTRY Chicken, wings and legs Duck Goose Poultry products, processed PORK Honey-baked ham VEAL Breast FRUIT Avoid ALL fruits and fruit juices in Phase 1, including: Apples Apricots Berries Cantaloupe Grapefruit Peaches Pears CHEESE Brie Edam Non-reduced fat

DAIRY 1/2 cup of plain fat-free yogurt (once per day max.) Fat Free 1/2 & 1/2, Nonfat milk, 1% milk, Soy milk allowed with coffee. Otherwise avoid all other dairy products (unless listed under protein choices or sweet treats). Limit to < 2 TBS per cup of coffee. Otherwise, avoid all milk products in Phase 1, including: Yogurt, cup-style and frozen Ice cream Milk, low-fat, fat-free, whole Milk, soy STARCHES AND CARBS Avoid ALL starchy food in Phase 1, including: Bread, all types Cereal Croutons, all types Matzo Oatmeal Rice, all types Pasta, all types Pastry and baked goods, all types MISCELLANEOUS Alcohol of any kind, including beer and wine No regular ketchup or cocktail sauce No pork rinds - too high in saturated fat No jerky - too high in sugar content Limit Caffeine-Containing Beverages to 1-2 servings per day

Lazy Sundays and Book Updates

About a month ago I wrote about my used book store find, Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman.  Well, it took me a while, but I finally sat down to read it yesterday and I finished it this morning.  I couldn't put the book down.  And everyone that posted about the book was right: it is a great read but very different from the movie.  Both are equally wonderful as I have a soft spot in my heart for Stockard Channing and Sandra Bullock and witchy reads. 

Plus, as an added bonus, the majority of the book took place in my neck of the woods: Long Island.  I had no idea when I read it since the film takes place on Cape Cod.  I often will complain that Long Island is a horrid place to live, but when I read books that take place here, it softens my heart a bit.  It's not that I hate the place or the people (all the time), but  I guess living in suburbia makes me feel less like a child of Nature.  Whenever I make the trip to our friend's log cabin in the Adirondacks or to our friends in Vermont, something in me just comes alive.  It's always smothered when I come back to this little sandbar in the Atlantic.  But, alas, I must continue to live here; my job is here and I would be a very big fool to give up my teaching job after just receiving tenure.  I'll just continue to lay down my weekly dollar for the lottery, save, save, save for a home of our own, place my loose change into the log cabin fund, and dream of retiring on a lake in the woods.

Yesterday I spoke of dream pillows and not really making them specific for a type of dream.  Maybe I'll have to conjure up something that will manifest my future home in the woods.  I think that might help make me rest easier.  At least I can escape to my little log cabin while I sleep.

Saturday Musings

I've been neglectful.  I'm sorry blog and blog readers.  It's not even that I haven't had the time to write.  I've had plenty of time.  I've just been so tired all the time.  I know why I'm tired, but I'm still confused on how to fix it.  I know I'm not normally too personal on here, but I suppose since I'm sharing my faith in the Goddess and the God, I guess being personal should be more a part of my writing.

I wake up frequently through the night in a panic.  It's been happening for years now.  I was on anti-depressants for over 3 years and a little over a year ago I phased off of them.  I didn't like the weight it put on me nor did I like the shadow I became.  But, I'm still waking in panic.  I've tried to keep the journal by my bedside and write down the things which wake me, but I can't seem to remember/know what it is I'm waking up for.  It's always the same.  I shoot up from a deep sleep, look at the clock, realize it's 2:37AM and I don't have to be awake until 5:30AM.  This process will repeat every hour until I wake again at 5:27AM and curse silently that I could have slept 3 more minutes until the alarm went off.  Then, I don't want to get up.  I'm tired.  I love my job teaching, but I pray to the God/dess everyday that work should start at 9AM instead of 7:20AM.  I think their deaf on the issue as nothing has changed.

So, since I'm tired all the time, physically and emotionally, I've decided to actually do something about it.  I know I need to start going to the gym again and eating healthier (again).  When I became ill 3 weeks ago with the sinus infection, I just made excuses for myself to slack off.  But, I've done all this before and waking panic still plagued me.  So, I thought a little bit of magick, prayer and craft work may help me.  I thought that it was about time I made myself a dream pillow.  I don't necessarily need to have a specific type of dream, but just the ability to dream and rest.  I'll be heading upstate next weekend to go camping and I can hopefully gather some supplies from the store I usually buy my herbs from.  I'd get started this weekend, but there is too much bustling around for birthdays and graduations.  But, the most important part of this is that I have a plan to help myself and maybe just the planning will help put my mind at ease, even if it's just slightly.  

I've been a bit obsessed . . .

with watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer on DVD.  It's reminded me a lot of my early teenage years.  My mom and I used to watch it on the WB when I was in middle/high school  Plus, it makes me miss True Blood.  I love me some vampires.  Especially this one:

It's done

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I just submitted my final paper for my research class.  I'm one step closer to my Masters Degree.  Now, I can really work on my blog!  I know I won't be getting an A in the class, but at least it's over. 

Z-Packs and Flonase

The doctor gave me two prescriptions this afternoon: Flonase and a Z-pack.  Of course, my insurance provided me with generics (whoo!).  I had a mini-panic attack about 3 hours after taking the both of them.  My chest felt tight and I spiked a low-grade fever.  I feel fine now, but it was a bit scary for me, hence the panic attack.

I also picked up a Netipot for myself at CVS.  The nastiness that came out of my nostrils when I used it was gross, but it did ease a little bit of the pressure on my face.  It honestly feels like someone is taking their hands and pushing on my cheekbones.  Either that or hundreds of tiny elves decided to sit on my cheeks and hang out for a week. Not to mention that this evil infection in my head caused me to miss the full moon!  Blast it all!

Practical Magic

For years, I've thought that Practical Magic was only a delightful chick flick starting Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman.  Apparently, I've been wrong for over ten years.

This past weekend, the hubby and I made a trip up to Boston for a wedding.  We also had a chance to catch up with two of my dear friends and walk around some shops.  One of them, a bookstore, had a used book section in the basement.  It was there that laying in the rack, I found the novel Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman.  I was puzzeled at first because I had no idea that one of my favorite witchy movies was a book first.  Then, I became embarassed.  How could I, an English teacher, have not known this?  Very rarely do I see films without reading the book version first.  So, for $4, I purchased the book.  Tonight I will begin reading it and I will hopefully have a review for everyone in a day or so.  I hope that this book won't go into my "currently reading pile" because of schoolwork and grading.  That pile is becoming too large (it has about 10 books in it now).  Such is the life of the teacher.  I cannot wait until summer so I can really dive into the stacks I have laying around.  During my 2 1/2 month break, I usually go through a good 20 to 50 books, depending on my schedule or what books I find.

Has anyone else read this book before?  Leave me a comment with your own review.  If you haven't read it, do you have any other fictional "witchy books" that you enjoy?  Please give me some names.  I need to add more to my collection.

Tomorrow I will post the full moon ritual for April!

Monday Mutterings: Teaching Shakespeare

A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted
Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion;
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue, all 'hues' in his controlling,
Much steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

- Sonnet 20 (my personal favorite)

Tomorrow, I begin teaching Romeo and Juliet to my demonic beloved freshman.  I know all most of them will never really have the love affair that I do with The Bard.  I've always been facinated by his use of pagan metaphors/allusions despite him being a Catholic.  I guess part of it is pagan/Greek/Roman references in Elizabethian literature is the same as The Family Guy using references to James Woods and Back to the Future.  They're essentially pop culture references of the time.  However, England had such strict laws about witchcraft until the mid-twentieth century, so it's quite remarkable how he was able to get away with so much.

I was thinking that while I'm teaching Romeo and Juliet I can bring in some horror stories tales of my teaching the play.  I could write my own soap opera/dramady about my teaching experiences.  So many television show ideas could be made with what I hear in the hallways or see in my classroom.  I have an insane interesting bunch this year.  I can only wait till I hand them foam swords.  I just hope that this stormy weather passes soon because I like to take them outside to act out the play.  Cross your fingers for me!

Finally!

It's been awhile, but I've finally caught up with all of my grading.  Sometimes I really need to ask myself why I didn't become a music teacher or a gym teacher.  Reading student essays/research papers has to be the most painful part of my job.  Thank goodness June is fast approaching and I can enjoy my summer taking Graduate courses and house hunting with the hubby. 

This won't be a long post since I have to get up early tomorrow to make copies of my Grammar test (yay!) and do an early morning extra help session for the kiddies.  The hubby and I just got back from a weekend trip to Boston.  We were there for one of his college friend's wedding and it was a great time.  The best part able the entire weekend was seeing my friends Pat and Katy.  We had brunch together this morning at an awesome Jewish deli.  I broke my diet hardcore this weekend because I've been sick and I treated myself to banana stuffed french toast.  It was worth every single bite!  I cannot wait to go back and not just for more french toast!  I really miss seeing Pat and Katy and Boston is a great city.  Plus, it brings back college memories for the hubby (he's a Boston University Alumni).  He bought me an adorable BU outfit so I can be a proud BU wifey:

Now I can watch Terrier's Hockey in style!

Happy Easter!

Even though I'm no longer Catholic, I still celebrate Easter with my family.  I hope everyone has a wonderful day today.  It is beautiful outside today in New York and there is good food cooking downstairs that I'm very excited to eat.

This will be a short post, but I am very happy to report that I basically came "out of the broom closet" to my mother today.  She knew I was a witch, but I never outright said it to her.  We had a very open and honest conversation today about how Catholics and Pagans are essentially celebrating similar things at this time of the year and how unfortunate it is that the religions shut one another out.  Let's hope her positive attitude towards my faith continues.  She tends to flip-flop on the issue a bit, but I'm happy I said it to her finally.


Happy Easter everyone!  Enjoy the spring transformations around you.

I will post again tonight for the start of my weekly tarot readings.

More Slut Cat

I know I haven't been posting much of Marty lately, but Frankie (aka Slut Cat) has really been hamming it up for the camera.  The hubby caught Slut Cat like this early one morning and snapped the picture before he left for work:

This cat really needs to get a job!

Spring Cleaning: Phase One

Spring Cleaning with The Domestic Witch starts this Sunday.  I'm actually starting a little bit early, but I am following her schedule:

Week ~ Area of the Home ~ Area of Life
Week 1 ~ Home Exterior and Repairs ~ Health and Fitness
Week 2 ~ Front Porch/Entryway ~ Personality and Self-image
Week 3 ~ Kitchen and Dining Room ~ The Heart of Your Life
Week 4 ~ Living Areas ~ Entertainment and Social Life
Week 5 ~ Your Bedroom ~ Love Life and Relaxation
Week 6 ~ Kids' Bedrooms ~ Fertility and Parenting
Week 7 ~ Bathroom ~ Beauty and Hygiene
Week 8 ~ Home Office/Den ~ Career and Finances
Week 9 ~ Back Yard ~ Connecting with Nature
Week 10 ~ Front Yard ~ Living Green
Week 11 ~ Garage/Attic/Basement ~ Emotional and Mental Clutter
Week 12 ~ Laundry Area and Closets ~Your Shadow Self

I don't own my own home yet, but I will be helping my mother clean hers.  Since The Domestic Witch's first Week is focused on personal health and fitness, I started by eliminating all harmful cleaners and beauty products.  I've been replacing them with plant based, green products and  I wanted to recommend one of them to all of you out there in blog land.  The company is called Onesta and they make all natural hair products.  The best part is that they are vegan (no animal products used) and cruelty free (no animal testing).  Everything in them is plant based.   It's not available for purchase except in salons, so I'm not sure how easily any of you can get it where you live, but their line of hair products, especially the shampoo and conditioner, are wonderful.  Check out their website and see if a salon near you sells their line of product.  Any pagan would appreciate their pledge for green living as well as their contributions towards cancer research.

Fur Baby Fridays!

It's Friday and I think the fur children knew it because last night Frankie was being extra adorable.  I'll post a few pictures because he's done this a few times.

My father was getting ready a buisness trip and Frankie felt it would be appropriate if he adorned the bag with himself.  I must also explain that my father is not a fan of animals.  He merely tolerates them living in his home.  Frankie is very lucky that my Dad was at a meeting and didn't see him laying on his freshly packed bag.

Frankie was not pleased that I was taking his photo.  Look at those demon blue eyes!

This is not the first time he's tried to pack himself either:

No suitcase is safe when Frankie is around!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Wishing you a rainbow
For sunlight after showers—
Miles and miles of Irish smiles
For golden happy hours—
Shamrocks at your doorway
For luck and laughter too,
And a host of friends that never ends
Each day your whole life through!
- Irish Friend Blessing

St. Patrick's Day is the day Catholics celebrate St. Patrick "sweeping the snakes (*cough*paganism*cough*) from Ireland." Anyone of Irish decent and perhaps a pagan should still be extra proud that they are Irish today.  I tend to look towards the modern celebration of the day because of it's haunting anti-pagan past.  If you look to how the holiday is celebrated now, it gives you a bit of a brighter image.

I am not Irish by birth; I am Irish by marriage.  Most people look at me funny when I tell them my last name and then they ask, "You're Irish?!"  I merely just display my wedding ring and then they understand.  I guess Native American/Italian/Spanish/French chicks can't ever really look Irish, but I will celebrate the day with my husband.  


So, throw on some green and put a clover in your lapel!  Happy St. Patrick's Day!

After all the waiting . . .

spring has finally arrived.  I'm a little sad to see the snow melting, but a smile comes to my face when I spot tulips poking through the soil.

It has me thinking about my first Ostara celebration next week.  Even though I've had a Pagan/Wiccan mindset for most of my life, it will be my first ritual.  I plan on finding the nerve to meet with the coven I found on meetup, because I don't want to spend another holiday alone.  Living at home with my parents, who I have not "come out of the broom closet" to, performing a ritual the exact way that I want to is a bit difficult.  The last few holidays I celebrated with a friend or I had to wait until the house was empty to do anything.  I know that ritual isn't everything, but it does make me feel better inside.  I feel closer to the Lord and Lady when I do them, so I'm really looking forward to next Saturday.

I plan on posting different Ostara items in the next few days.  Look for different spells, meditations, and ways to bring the holiday and the gods into the mundane portions of your life.

Mundane Monday Mutterings

Parent/Teacher conferences are this evening.  My district holds them three times during the school year and this year, the last night lands in the beginning of March.  I should be an expert at these by now, but my stomach still forms into knots.

I will keep repeating my mantra: You will get through this.  You are a good teacher. 

Just keep me in your thoughts for some extra positive energy.