Well, it took longer than I thought . . .

Ok.  It has been about a year since I really wanted to write in this thing.  I have had numerous ups and downs, but never enough motivation to share any of them on this blog.  This past year has really been a private journey of self-realization and, perhaps, finally forgiveness (I'll get into that portion of the journey at another time).

I suppose what has finally motivated me to want to write for this blog again is a re-shaping of my practice.  It started on Thursday evening by going to a class with the High Priest of the Coven that I hang out with.  I am not an official member as I don't believe I'm fully "there" yet.  Then, yesterday was a low day.  My body ached.  I hurt everywhere - internally and externally.  I did not want to move from my bed or the couch.  Now, part of the reason for this is because I've been on an exercise/diet kick.  I think I over did it this past week.  However, the internal hurting came from the class I took on Thursday.  Some very old wounds opened up that I was finally ready to deal with.  This is where the forgiveness part of my re-directed path will eventually come in.  Like I said, I am not there just yet, which is why I do not feel it is appropriate to ask for membership into the Coven.

So, this morning, I began re-reading Silver Ravenwolf's book Hedgewitch - spells, crafts and rituals for natural magick.  I knew I needed to refocus myself.  I needed a kick start if I am really going to make myself happy, healthy, wealthy (not necessarily monetary), and wise (to borrow phrasing from my class as well as my Grandmother).  I am not "happy."  Content, yes, but I am not overjoyed with the way my life is going nor do I get excited for anything.  I just am.  I would like to get excited about life.  About exercise.  About food.  About reading.  About teaching.  I do not want to be simply "content."  I want to enjoy my experience here.  I think re-reading Silver's book and really taking Thursday night's class in to full context is helping me see a way of getting beyond content.

Thus, tomorrow I begin the fourteen day ritual process or re-directing my path as I would prefer to think of it.  I know I am a witch.  I think I have always known.  I am not changing that.  I just found a fork in the road, and although it is dark and, quite honestly, frightening, I would rather go this way.  I need to tunnel in through the weeds, rip them out and make the garden of me a little more inviting for the people around me.  I think I forgot the most basic principle of gardening: weeds come back.  I let them take over me and drown me.  Tomorrow's ritual is thus quite fitting: Wind.  I will blow in winds of change and let the air clean out, not only my home, but me.  I will use the wind to keep me moving, to keep weeding, because when I forget to do so, I head back down into depression and cannot rise above "content."  The weeds suffocate me.

Part of this fourteen day journey is keeping a journal.  I have my personal pen and paper journal but I also want to share aspects of it on the blog as a means of re-directing myself back to writing.  Part of the past year's problem was that I never once wrote a single thing for myself and I really missed doing that. If I forget that part of me, then I become unfocused and frazzled.  That is how I let the weeds start rooting again.

This is a new path that I wish to take whilst I wander.  The Green Witch is back.  This is not a new me.  This is merely a re-discovered me or a forgotten me.  Help me clear the weeds.

I want to keep writing this blog.  It always works.  Always a blessing.

Thank you and blessed be.

A Crossroads

So, I've been on a bit of a mental break for the past few months.  I've debated if I want to start the blog back up again.  While reading a new Pagan book this morning, I decided it would be a good idea.  This year has been a blur of constant stress.  Between co-workers who treat me as an outcast because of my Pagan faith and "green" values and parents who constantly harass me because I dare to challenge their students with hard work and accountability, I've been nothing but a bundle of nerves.  So, I abandoned my blog.  I honestly don't know why I did it in the first place.  Writing here gave me hope and understanding.  I connected with many of my readers on Facebook and speak with them privately about Pagan issues.  Why did I throw away my connection to what I've been looking for?  I guess I couldn't balance it all.  My faith doesn't bring me paycheck, teaching does.  So the world of stress took over my life.

Thankfully summer has finally arrived.  Today work crept in to provide me with some stress: One of the parents who gave me more grey hairs than I can count is still complaining.  Her son slept through my first period class all year and how *dare* I hold him accountable for doing nothing with a failing grade.  I must have some nerve.  But it's done.  It's over.  I took care of her bitching.  She got what she wanted.  Hopefully my cell phone and house phone will stay quiet for the rest of the summer except for when friends come calling.  I want to see pleasant people's names come across my caller ID for the remainder of the summer.  School can ring me in September.

So, what does all of this mean?  Is the Green Witch back?


Yes.


I'm not sure where I'll begin in my writings again.  I suppose talking about my house and the Pagan elements I've added around it would be a good place to start.  It's the only positive I've had since I last wrote in March.  I know I'll share about the Mets/Yankees game I'm going to tonight.  I'll be the lone Yankees fan in a group of Mets fans.

Until tomorrow.
Blessed Be.

PS - I guess my internal witch clock knows best when to start over.  I just realized today is a New Moon.